Wow, just... wow. I want to give you fine people a balanced review analysing and discussing today's "action flick" then round up with a recommendation. Dear readers, it is one of THE biggest piles of absolute tripe I have ever had the misfortune to see.
It stars Channing Tatem and Marlon Wayans as new G.I. Joe recruits. G.I. Joe is a secret military organisation sort of policing the world, and after our lead characters lose possession of deadly new warhead's containing "nanobots" they are promptly asked to join the organisation. What follows is a slew of brightly coloured shit, bad CGI (for 2009) absolutely atrocious acting and terrible writing, we flip flop between Christopher Eccleston's eccentric millionaire inventor/bad guy and the G.I. Joe headquarters, every single scene feels rushed, the explosions, underwater dog-fights and the fall of the Eiffel Tower SHOULD equate to something remotely entertaining but it just isn't. the weak "Evil organisation doing something evil" is so hammy I could smell bacon, Director Scott Summers incorporates the worst of his film The Mummy Returns (recycling the same kind of globe trotting adventure, as well as reusing some Mummy (returns)/Van Helsing alumni actors). This film is the ultimate display that he has not grown as a Director, and with Transformers managing to be a spin off of a Hasbro toy and cartoon series (no doubt the only reason for this movie's existence) and managing to also be entertaining at it's very least (entertaining being one of the Michael Bay helmed Transformers movies only positives) there's no reason this movie shouldn't have been.
The sole saving grace of this film is the character "Snake Eyes" who, with a deep held rivalry with his adpoted brother is a side-plot that out-shines the actual story immensely, it manages to pay homage to the great Japanese martial art films with an edgy high tech twist.
Overall, if you're over the age of 6 avoid at any and all cost. 3/10
Agreed.
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