Black Swan (2011)

The light Rom-Com of a ballerina who only want's to meet the right man, but her bitch of a rival comes along and threatens everything, only for her to triumph in the end and become the prom queen/businesswoman of the year/ Head Ballerina thingy... This is, in fact what a film called "Black Swan" about the mental anguish of a young woman (Natalie Portman) dancing in a rendition of Swan Lake could well have been like. Fortunately, Darren Aronofsky plays by a different set of rules.

Dark Subject matter is nothing new for this man, "the Offsky" as I affectionately call him, made his Directorial début with π (pi, pronounced Pie, the mathematical term) The 1998 black and white thriller about a man trying to decode the the formula on which the stock exchange is based on, showing us the downfalls of great genius, as a man cannot escape his brilliance because his mind just won't cease calculating, ending with visuals and themes spawning the bastard child between Taxi Driver and A Beautiful Mind. While he later went on to achieve acclaim with Requiem For A Dream and The Wrestler, π was AronofskY setting the bar for himself, a high one at that.

So what can one expect? As I said before, it's the story of Nina, a working Ballet dancer in the high octane and pressure filled Ballet circuit, a mixture of bitchy stage-school kids and a more laid back cock tease Lily (integral to the plot, and Nina sexual/personal awakening played wonderfully by Mila Kunis). Landing the role of The Swan Queen seems to only add to the foundation of mental issues Nina has aquired because of her pushy mother, ever desperate to make her daughter live out the life she couldn't.

While she can execute the White Swan choreography to a T nearly every time, it's the more relaxed, emotional titular Black Swan Nina has trouble with. With manipulative Director Thomas (masterful yet bastardly turn by Vincent Cassel) pushing her to be more emotive, the film takes many dark, surreal and fantastical twists and turns before it's beautifully shot, performed and directed finale. Visually speaking one of the best films of the past 10 years.

Conclusion? Stellar cast performing a knockout piece I find hard to knock, perhaps the movie tried to hard to be subtle (Nina wearing a white, feathery scarf, Lily having black wings tattoo'd on her back) but it seems to suit the story Offsky was trying to tell. Though starving children in Africa and homelssness on the streets of London ARE big problems in the grand scheem of things, in the tiny world created for this little doll of a girl by her controlling mother (and subsequently, Director) means this life, and then this play is all she has, and her drive for perfection in her field only seems to fuel her mental downfall. An absolute must see, (whether or not the Academy grant it best picture), and it's also suitable to take the girlfriend to. Also, Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman getting it on.... win win? 9.9/10

The Notebook (2004)

CHICK FLICK! Yeah, that's what I thought too, until I actually watched the damn thing. 2004's The Notebook is pretty much one of the best romance film's you will ever see, and it isn't mixed in with elemnts of OTT comedy, or a sideplot in an action film, it is 100% romane with enough "period piece" thrown in to make it stand out.

It starts with James Garner's character in and retirement home, reading to Gena Rowlands Alzeimers ridden Mrs Calhoun, seemingly out of the kindness of his own heart. what is he reading to her you may ask? That would be the titular Notebook, and in it is the blooming love story between young Noah (Ryan Gosling) and Allie (Rachel McAdams.

Yes this film is a period setting, yes there is a war segment, but these things are infused with the story, they aid it, help it move along. These things become a part of the characters, we don't stop to see Noah Mourne for his friend after being killed in WW2 simply because, though tragic to the character, it wasn't relevent enough in the scheme in the two lovers long and tested relationship.

Conclusion? Shakespearian set-ups like separation due to Social class are rife, but it is used well in this book adap, and unlike shit-fests like Gigli or The Sweetest Thing who need to get laughs out in order to charm you, this very sweet, very real story manages to be interesting, and touching. My 2 gripes that Ryan Gosling only has 2 facial expressions, one being "huh?" and the other being "oh". Also, the twist will come as a surprise to no-one, but again the films charm allows you to overlook that. Solid character based romance, great to watch with the Girlfriend. 7/10.

Now to go re-attach My Testicles.

A Serbian Film (2010)

A Clockwork Orange (1971), one of my favourite films of all time was once withdrawn from cinemas here in the Uk due the dark subject matter and graphic scenes. Growing up, it was the film had heard about, but had never seen, until the ripe old age of 15 when my world changed forever... It's true that some of the social commentary were lost on me in the first viewing but I knew I liked it. It was violent, over the top and unapologetically gruesome while somehow managing to remain stylish. I believe I can say the same about the 2010 Serbian film A Serbian Film by director Srđan Spasojević, except I don't like it nearly as much.

While violence and taboo subjects make for great watching, when you have no substance of story or character, and the grotesque visuals are all you're offering, you can expect little defence from film fans. Spasojević's tale of a former porn actor Milos (Srđan Todorović) is lured out of retirement for one huge (unspecified) payout. The catch? He doesn't know what the film is going to be about.

So the film starts off lighly enough, we see him living a normal enough life with his wife and child, but it's when his son (who's age isnt specified, but he's around 8/9) is caught watching one of his movies, and reacting by telling his dad those movies "do something to him" (alluding to arousal) that you know the kind of tone the movie is setting itself up for.

Without going into too much detail of what happens later, it's actually worse than you could ever imagine, as a hardened film fan I'm part of the "Grand theft Auto" generation (we're kind of like the "MTV generation" accept we're supposed to all be murderes and criminals) I'm pretty desensitised to movie/literary violence, but even I found myself cringing. While it hardly gave me nightmares, it was uncomfortable to watch, and possibly greatest "worst film I've ever seen".

Conclusion? While the Director protests the subject is an allegory to how Serbia has been forced into carrying out actions it didn't want to do, he hasn't played nuance or subtlety nearly enough for us to have any sympathy for the character (or for that matter, country) and if anything, the movie makes you feel that Milos/Serbia aren't taking responsibility for their own actions. While I think the film should be free to be seen by anyone who wishes it, be prepared as it is undoubtedly the film that you want to see, until you've seen it. 4/10

Metropolis (1927) (2010 restored DVD release)

Metropolis isn't only the oldest film on this blog, it isn't just the first silent film I've ever seen, it is also the grandaddy of all futuristic Sci-Fi. It's visual style can be seen in some form or another in classics such as Frankenstein, Blade Runner, The Fifth Element and Star Wars, it's political undertones of the conflict between upper and working class became startlingly close to home throughout the Great Depression, and it's uncanny visual style has become the epitome of what we consider to be science fiction in movies. And it was nearly lost to us (in it's original form anyway) forever.

After it's original screening in Berlin in 1927, it was spliced up, shortened, re-worked (butchered) and generally cut to ribbons for various distributors in different countries, and it's original 153 minute cut fell into obscurity. Various attempts were made throughout the decades since, but it wasn't until the discovery of a complete (but damaged) version in Argentina could it be restored to it's former glory. Though not in great condition the missing 30 mins of footage were added to the film for the 2010 re-release. Writer/Director Fritz Lang (with his co-writer wife Thea von Harbou) Delivered to us the very first Sci-Fi epic, the genre had been attempted onscreen before, but not this scale, at 5 Million Reichsmark it was and still is the most expensive silent film ever made.

The film follows young Feder, son of the creator of the titular city, as he first comes to understand the detriment to which his fellow man have to work in order to keep this utopia afloat. As he uncovers more the plight of the working classes living in "The Workers City", his father and a crazy scientist plot to undermine the cause by doppleganging the only light in the workmans eyes, a virginal, almost angelic charcter named Maria who tells of a "Mediator", the heart that will unite the Brains of the city with the Hands, providing us with a cute, yet hanously un-subtle metaphore for the upper and working class.

Before the conclusion (the run time is a tad boorish) we see several shots of this amazingly designed cityscape, a dance number, and some trippy as hell sciency stuff (including the activation of a robot...1927!). It's actors hamming their way through every scene (as was commonplcae in cinema at the time) served the premis surprisingly well, the visual effects were also very impressive, the stop motion and minatures were used to great effect. we can see where all that Reichsmark went.

Conclusion: Though the mataphore was given to us in a naive (if not childish) way, there is something sweet in it, someone or something unifying the upper tiers of industry with it's lowliest workers. That is until you realise it tilts more toward pro-union propaganda, but even so it's extremely enjoyable to watch as well as seeing true cinematic history come to life, viewing footage that remained hidden for more than 80 years. The whole things is like a snapshot of 1920's germany. So what if Director Lang later publicaly admitted detesting the film, or if his co-writer/wife Thea von Harbou later became a member of the Nazi party (In Lang's defence, he divorced her pretty sharpish) none of that changes how important this film was, not necessarily it's message, but it's style and scope. Genuine definition of a classic. 8/10.

Chatroom (2010)

The dangers of the online world is s subject cinema is taking to like a wildfire ( see the 2008 thriller Untraceable for example) and I can see why. The new dimension of knowing people without meeting them, talking to people you can't hear, as well as the ability to be whoever you want to be with little to no comeuppance, is as intriguing as it is worrying. Put simply, you don't know who's out there.

With that said, how does Japanese director Hideo Nakata (Of Ring, Ring 2 and Dark Water fame) handle this London based story of 5 late teens meeting online for mischief, fun, and much, much more?

The story of young William (Kick-Ass's Aaron Johnson) an intelligent and extremely computer literate young man who may or may not have other motives, setting up the non-descript group "Chelsea Teens" leads us into the online world. Literally. Each of the 5 members of the titular "Chatroom" is seen sitting at the computer, or typing on their phone, inter-cut with their online persona,who looks and sounds like them, yet whenever we're in this online plane, there is always this unreal quality to it, completely removing it from the real world. While it sounds very Matrix-esque, it's used in such a subtle way that it serves the story very well, and gives us a physical distinction between the 2 worlds.

Hidden motives unravel and the relationship between the bunch starts to degrade into a dark, sinister and slightly disturbing sequence of events telling us the moral implications and the dangers of meeting people you aren't actually meeting.

While I seem to be singing mostly praises the film does have it's flaws, some of the scenes of the group sitting on seats in a circle felt like a drama class workshop, as well as the (mostly Channels 4's SKINS alumni) cast sometimes not pitching the right level of performance to the particular scene, these are nit-picks though as the film is actually rather brilliant.

Conclusion? Well, there aren't enough British helmed, financed and set films made to this calibre, though there was a Japanese director on board, the film felt very much reflective of the current wave of young and talented UK film makers/students, and I only hope to see many more to this standard, as a film being set in familiar surroundings is infinately more comforting than just another American yarn. This essentially is the movie that The Social Network SHOULD have been, but wasn't. 9/10.

Burlesque (2010)

Titillating, Charming, Fun, fast and sexy. All of those things describe Burlesque, that is, the style and subculture, not the 2010 film starring early 2000's flavour of the month Christina "Xtina" Aguilera and pop legend Cher.

I could go in to detail of the plot, however it's just one you've seen a thousand times, just a small town girl, living in lonely world took the midnight train to L.A. where she unbelievingly talks herself into working for a financially unsuccessful (Dispite it always being full of clients and customers) "Burlesque club". Not quite the urban fairytale you've heard before? well that's because under the façade of the music and Caberet style of REAL Burlesque, a rose tinted glance at New York and Chicago club dancers and showgirls, this film slips 2 pop stars into the mix and tells you it's stylish.

There is an element where I must confess that being a guy watching this doesn't help, but is that an excuse? surely a movie with such subject matter would offer some cheap thrill titillation, tongue in cheek glimpses of the female anatomy that manages to entertain the guys while not being smutty right? RIGHT? Well. No. With young Xtina having not much of a shape to her and Cher overdoing the plastic surgery, plus none of the extra cast members being anything special to look at either (though pretty in their own way) this film wasn't very sexy at all, just imitation glamour.

So another forgettable "little girl in big LA" story giving musicals a bad name, we are desperate for the new Rocky Horror, Chicago or Hedwig and the Angry Inch, until one of those comes along, this movie has spoilt my appetite for musicals for a little while.

Conclusion? Avoid at all costs,Cher is well and truly over the hill and Christina's charatcter just isn't likeable enough. It pains me to say that if you want glitz and glamour, go watch Sex In The City, though not my cup of tea it knew what it was doing, and was harmless to everything not in the genre, where as this piece takes the guise of a beloved subculture as well as being a musical, and while I cannot say that Cher and Aguilera are bad singers, the songs in the film are dull and repetitive, hoping the more they say "Burlesque" the more the film will BE Burlesque. Untrue. 2/10